on the border..

All Nepali resources that are yet to discovered and materialized or talked about in general
kazi
Posts: 978
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:55 am

on the border..

Postby kazi » Fri Mar 19, 2010 10:20 pm

For those of you, aspiring literary geniuses, here is something to admire. I dont know who wrote this, but the intensity touched me deeply.

=========
LOVE ME. SAVE ME

I know I love you. do you know it?
I love you in a way that is more powerful than you could believe.
I am never in doubt of my love for you...
I love you even in the darkest depths of rage and hatred, though I can not feel it then..
I cant let you know this, even though I long to tell you..
If you knew it you might be able to hurt me.. again. and again.


I am afraid. such encompassing fear as you will never be able to know.
I am afraid that I will push you too far.
I fear for our lives. our love.
I am afraid of the pain and loneliness. yet I live each day with it.
I am afraid to trust you. yet I do...
If I trust you you could hurt me over and over...and you do.


When I hurt, I hurt worse than you could ever believe possible.
I want to die when I hurt.. I feel as if I am dying.
I want to die when I believe that you are the one hurting me...
I think you hate me... I know what I am.. I have seen it.
somewhere I know better.. somewhere there is love... but I cant feel it now...
I want to scream for you to love me... to hold me... to rescue me... but I cant. I am afraid.
If you heard that you might be able to hurt me...again.


Franticly I Rage at you, wanting you to hurt too.
you turn away... it is never enough... I always hurt more.
You don't see.. you cant see... what it is to be me.
I Hear what I say...my words a pale shadow against the emotions within me.
I want you to see I can hurt you too..... but.... it is never enough...
why aren't you crying?!
Maybe if you loved me more you would feel like I do,
your love is never enough.....I always love more..


Maybe I am not worthy of your love...
unworthy... unworthy...unworthy.... it echoes in my thoughts
I scream silently for help... hoping, wishing, praying, that it will be different this time.
HELP ME! SAVE ME! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!
Crying because I cant say that, how badly I need to... I want to.....I cant
If you heard that you might be able to hurt me ..again.


Unworthy I am filled with hate....
I hate you for making me feel unwanted when I love you so much...
I hate you for not seeing how much I need you to save me...
I hate myself for being too afraid to say it out loud.
I hate you for not loving me enough to help me.
I hate you for not crying like I am..
I hate myself for the cutting things I say.
I hate you for loving me when I hate you.. because I cant feel love...Right now.
it all boils over....


I hurt.... I hate.. I fear......I want to die.


I lie alone on the floor sobbing.
hating myself for the monster within..
Hating myself for the things I've said..
Hating you for not rescuing me...
Hating the fact that I live....
I hurt ... I feel I am dying inside.
The pain kills me.. it is torture


I wonder why you couldn't just love me...save me..
Cant you see I'm a frightened child?
you turned away when I needed you...
how could you not see past the anger to the pain..
it hurts me... you didn't care to look...
you didn't want to help me....


I live and I hurt... and I hurt you..
I should die so I wont hurt like this.
I should die to free you from this hell.
You told me to go ahead... kill myself..
now I know my worth to you.
But I couldn't. you wouldn't do it.... I asked you to...
I tried but I couldn't... I love you too much..
I want to.. I want to die... but I love you.
I love you but you abandon me time after time.


You hate the scars on me... I try not to cut...,
But if I cant die how else to punish myself ?
I am unworthy... you want me dead.. I am unloved...
It has happened again... like I knew it would
such shame in this... such fear... I want to die.
the knife is so shiny... I can feel it.. I long for it..
the hot sting that will free me... I cant... I shouldn't...


the silent plea comes again..
weaker this time... help me.. love me... please..I'm so sorry...
but you cant hear that... you wouldn't believe it.. and I cant say it.
I want to... I am so alone and afraid...
Hurting and hating
I see the way you look at me...
you said to do it...
How could someone I love so much not love me too?
you wont save me.... I hurt.. you want me to die...
I am such a monster that you want me to die..
kill myself? it hurts so bad... I cant escape and I cant die..
Pain numbs pain...
Maybe Ill just bleed instead..


Then your arms shelter me, the storm is over...
you tenderly wipe the blood from me.
I sit limply.. heartbroken.. betrayed.. aching
Crying into your chest, long wracking sobs, wailing as if to wake the dead
your tears fall into my hair as you hold me..
loving me the best you know how... not understanding... afraid.
looking up into your eyes filled with fear myself..
I whisper... I'm sorry...
we cry and hold each other... both alone...and afraid.. but hoping this time will be the last.
knowing it wont be...
slowly you rock me.. I rock you... I wonder how you see me..
I am tired, drained, safe at last in your arms.
the tension leaves me and the memory of the past hour fades quickly...
leaving a headache and the echoing words...
Save me.....
========
--
"Mother and motherland are more precious than heaven." But that does not mean we must cling to our mothers. The least I can do for Nepal is to bring awareness among the Nepali people. And this Nepali forum is the platform for me.

kazi
Posts: 978
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:55 am

Re: on the border..

Postby kazi » Fri Mar 19, 2010 10:22 pm

And this is from across the border.. enjoy:

========
I HATE YOU, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME

I tried for hours with all my might
to win her love one Saturday night
we kissed and held each other tight
and when my energy was spent
into the night she simply went


Where eagles dare to build their home
from a lofty height my heart was thrown
it fell upon the ground so cold
she picked it up to hug and hold
again we rose to make the climb
to fall again another time


I hope to win her love again
with renewed hope amidst the pain
I held her more than ever before
she moaned and groaned upon the floor
and when her curiosity was spent
again into the night she went
she'll call me back tomorrow night
until we finally get it right


Why do I let myself return?
she's using me that's not unknown
but still we crave each other's touch

<snip>

Which one of us will turn away?
I dread the thought of that one day
to choose between a broken heart
or razor cutting skin apart


Corbin Skyes Copyright 1997, All Rights Reserved
=====
--
"Mother and motherland are more precious than heaven." But that does not mean we must cling to our mothers. The least I can do for Nepal is to bring awareness among the Nepali people. And this Nepali forum is the platform for me.

Ganesha
Posts: 634
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:51 am
Contact:

Re: on the border..

Postby Ganesha » Wed Mar 24, 2010 7:36 pm

I thought it was written by you, at first. Is there anything you did write sometime in the past or you have written presently that you could share?
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kazi
Posts: 978
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:55 am

Re: on the border..

Postby kazi » Wed Mar 24, 2010 9:57 pm

I am a philosopher, my friend
literature & poetry, is not my trend
art, music, democracy, I admire
to unite the nations, that, I aspire
--
"Mother and motherland are more precious than heaven." But that does not mean we must cling to our mothers. The least I can do for Nepal is to bring awareness among the Nepali people. And this Nepali forum is the platform for me.

Ganesha
Posts: 634
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:51 am
Contact:

Re: on the border..

Postby Ganesha » Wed Mar 24, 2010 10:40 pm

Nobility my friend is of utmost importance.
Aim higher, dream higher, be potent.
Philosophy is borne out of life and
Life creates philosophy, so not a bad choice you make
between what is true and what is fake.
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Ganesha
Posts: 634
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:51 am
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Re: on the border..

Postby Ganesha » Wed Mar 24, 2010 10:51 pm

I don't like the poem, "I Hate You, Please Don't Leave Me". I don't like the title either.

Pain is beautiful. It is specially beautiful when transformed into literature, poem, stories. Pain sucks energy away but gives back a lot in return. The biggest one is wisdom. The practice of perseverance and optimism is also greatly reminded by pain. Those who are swallowed by it, fall prey to it. Those who comprehend and learn from it, shine and rejoice.

This poem is not about pain. Pain is beautiful. This poem is about nervousness, a transient state of absurdity. It does not provide energy nor does it enlighten you. It makes you feel sick and dry and it only talks about that moment of absurdity, hopelessness, that feeling of numbness when you brains rot away in the seeming breakdown of your thought-process and you become completely devoid of the very thing that makes you human, the ability to think.

Of course, it is a composition. A piece of art. The life and times of a person once at one moment. But it is hopeless. It just states, is bland and mundane. And there is no beauty in it. My lips go dry. My thoughts stop and I become senseless while reading it. Perhaps I am too much of an optimist. Or maybe do not like a state of limbo. But sorry, I cannot enjoy it.
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kazi
Posts: 978
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:55 am

Re: on the border..

Postby kazi » Thu Mar 25, 2010 6:53 am

you, my friend, are true to the word
for you I risk life at the tip of a sword
when all the riches and glory, you have won
there will I be with you, when there is non
--
"Mother and motherland are more precious than heaven." But that does not mean we must cling to our mothers. The least I can do for Nepal is to bring awareness among the Nepali people. And this Nepali forum is the platform for me.

Ganesha
Posts: 634
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:51 am
Contact:

Re: on the border..

Postby Ganesha » Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:36 pm

Looking out of the window,
the city sleeps but the lights keep shimmering.
The distance is great and life is like that of a widow,
and yet your concern is all that keeps me agile and beaming.
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kazi
Posts: 978
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:55 am

Re: on the border..

Postby kazi » Sat Mar 27, 2010 8:30 am

You are one with a heart, so mellow
No wonder the world turns into jello
With words and gestures, all so kind
I can't help it, with friendship I do bind

Our lives are bound by moments, not year
We are brothers by karma, do hear
Uncertainty, irrationality we do fear
This faith and justice, we hold dear

Steeped in turbulence, tumult and trouble
Stirred in turmoil, torture and tangle
Cradled by the Himalayas, we are Nepali
Indra, fear us! we are bir Gorkhali
--
"Mother and motherland are more precious than heaven." But that does not mean we must cling to our mothers. The least I can do for Nepal is to bring awareness among the Nepali people. And this Nepali forum is the platform for me.

kazi
Posts: 978
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:55 am

Re: on the border..

Postby kazi » Tue Mar 30, 2010 9:42 am

love, my friend, is just like hate
the same coin, just another state
in life, just like joy and pain
what of loss, and then of gain
--
"Mother and motherland are more precious than heaven." But that does not mean we must cling to our mothers. The least I can do for Nepal is to bring awareness among the Nepali people. And this Nepali forum is the platform for me.


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